By: Sabrina Peters
How far is too far? That’s the number one question on the minds of Christian teenagers all over the planet. They want to know what they can touch, taste, and caress (pre-marriage) before God gets mad at them or they end up feeling guilty.
They often ask me, “Sabrina where’s the line? How far can I go?” They expect me to list a bunch of super raunchy acts that are “off limits” and give them the thumbs up to pash off with their current crush.
Well sweet little teen, listen up.
There is no clear answer!
The bible doesn’t actually give us a list of sexual acts and experiences that are a-ok while in the dating game and those that are meant just for the honeymoon.
It simply says that sexual intercourse is SACRED, intended between two people in the commitment of marriage. It really leaves all the rest in 50 shades of grey.
We want rules but God gives us relationship.
We want to know how far we can go before God gets angry at us, when in reality it has nothing to do with us displeasing Him and everything to do with Him protecting us (emotionally and physically).
We want laws written on stone but God carves them on our hearts.
So sorry if you were looking for a list of do’s and don’ts. God doesn’t give us any and neither will I!
Instead, I encourage you to change the question!
Ask yourself, “How is this choice affecting my future?”
The point is not avoiding intercourse, the point is NOT bonding emotionally, physically, psychologically, sexually with a someone you won’t keep that bond with in the future (because whether you like it or not any attachment that is broken can cause pain)!
You can’t super glue your hands together, rip them apart and expect there to be no damage.
Sex is the strongest adhesive available. Treat it with care.
I do not care how many people tell me hooking up means nothing and you can just walk away with no strings attached! I have never seen “friends with benefits” end well. Someone gets hurt. You don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one. Over the years, I have comforted hundreds of girls as they cried about the heartache and pain they felt after a break up (whether sexual in nature or not).
Literally just this weekend I spent the night in the bathroom with a girl who had just found out her boyfriend had cheated on her with a close friend of hers. She was completely broken and shattered into a million pieces. Not doing “things” (you all know what I’m saying ) is not about God trying to take from you. It’s about trying to keep your heart and body safe and whole (and eventually experience it with someone who will respect and protect you).
Ask yourself, “How much can I keep to experience with my future spouse?”
If they are the person you are going to marry then one day you’re going to be able to do whatever you want. Yes, whatever you’re both into. Go crazy. Enjoy yourselves. But until you know they are your BAE, be patient. Exercise restraint. Sometimes getting everything we want, isn’t always what we need.
Ask, “Will this honour my future partner if this is not them?”
Imagine if that girl or guy wasn’t your wife, wasn’t your husband. Technically, that means it’s going to be somebody else’s future husband or future wife. Is what you’re about to do honouring to them?
Or flip the script if that was your future spouse. Would you be saying to them, “Hey go for it! Live in the moment. #Yolo. Just go with the flow. Just don’t have sex OK.” I doubt you’d be alright with your husband getting hot and heavy with his high school girlfriend.
So I hope that helps!
Just so you know, it’s not easy! God created us as sexual beings and hormones are on overdrive in your teen years and there’s actually heaps of “stuff” you can do before you go all the way.
It’s sucks, I know. It’s confusing, I know. It’s difficult, I know!
From the other side of the fence we all know it’s pretty darn hard and I am not pretending I didn’t cross the line a time or two (thanks a lot Ben! Haha joking. I couldn’t keep my hands off him).
But God doesn’t ask you to do anything without giving you the power to do it! And unending grace when you miss it. So don’t lose heart if you’ve gone too far or maybe you do in the future remember that NOTHING changes God’s love for you and you can always start from where you are. The cool thing about grace is it forgets the past and empowers the future.
Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.
About the Author: Sabrina is a new generation speaker and author and former youth pastor of 9 years. Her passion is Jesus, relationships & sexuality.