By: Brian Harris
My regular readers will know how often my blog posts are sparked by throw away comments from podcasts I have listened to that don’t necessarily have much to do with what the podcast was about, but do reflect how my mind worked after hearing the comment.
This is one of those posts. And the comment? “Feelings don’t happen to us, but for us.” I won’t cite the podcast, as it really wasn’t about that – or I don’t think it was, as my brain had already raced away following the idea.
Feelings get a mixed rap in the Christian tradition. I remember as a teenager being shown a picture of a train. The engine was the mind, the little caboose at the back, was feelings. I was warned that the caboose would often try and usurp power, instead of simply following appropriately along after the engine of careful thought had selected the correct terrain and direction.
There is much wisdom in that. Feelings can be a fickle and unreliable guide, and we all know how often we have felt strongly about something the one day, and a little later wonder what the fuss was about. Follow the whim of the moment, and you are likely to make a poor decision, or as is sometimes said, “decide in haste, regret at leisure.” Hasty decisions are usually made from emotion, and this is even more so if we include decisions about the words we use, for emotional outbursts are often filled with sentiments we don’t deeply feel, but hurl in to aid our catharsis. The damage they do can be real.
So that’s conventional wisdom for you. Think things through clearly and rationally, perhaps even work with a pros and cons list, weight them appropriately, and good decisions will follow. It is often true.
Often, but not always.
Blaise Pascal famously wrote: “The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.” He’s right. We are complex beings. The head moves slowly, the heart far quicker. The heart can often see what the head is too far behind to notice. The head is better at articulating reasons and sounding logical, the heart is often left speechless, not finding any good counter reasons but simply knowing (with a different kind of knowing) that it won’t work, no matter how logical it sounds.
Perhaps we can say that the heart is more intuitive. It processes data differently, often so quickly that the reasons are not clear,though that does not make them any less real. And we dismiss those feelings at our peril. Hence the throwaway comment, “feelings don’t happen to us, but for us”. They are the alert signal that all might not be as logic makes it sound. When next you see someone being argued into a position they are clearly not comfortable with, ask what reasons their heart has spotted that it finds difficult to articulate.
I’ve often thought about the Col 3:15 instruction, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts“. It’s a subjective guide to be sure, but an important one. If I am feeling uneasy about something, I shouldn’t quickly argue it down with ‘a’ goes to ‘b’ goes to ‘c’ style logic. I should lean into the unease. Where is it coming from? Is God trying to catch my attention? Is this feeling not simply something that is happening to me, but for me, and should I pause and reflect.
Though I have spoken about Col 3:15 as though it is written to us individually, note that it is plural. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts (plural). It’s a collective thing. It’s a fine dance this, listening to the one and the many. And don’t I know it. Rosemary and I are in the process of “right sizing” for our future. Oh my goodness, the number of views out there! Still, it’s probably better to have heard one view too many than not enough.
“Feelings don’t happen to us, but for us,” operates at another level as well. They are often the first alert that something is not as we thought, or that we might need to rethink our plan. I have often sat with people who have essentially said, “I really don’t understand myself. Everything is going so well, and yet I am feeling miserable… really, really down.”
That can come from so many different places.
Often it is the voice of disappointment, “I thought that if I was financially secure I would be happy”, or “I thought if I got the promotion I would love my life,” or “I thought…. but…” It’s the expectation gap. We have assumed that the path to happiness will open when some targets are met. But while meeting goals can trigger a dopamine hit, the pleasure is usually short lived. Our expectations are surface level, but our hearts are deep places. They are not as quickly fooled. We are neither the money we have in the bank nor the job we currently have. We are far, far more.
I imagine that even the most ardent atheist finds nothing to dispute in Psalm 139: 14, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” We sure are! And because we are made to be complex, we should lean into the complexity we sometimes sense, and make it our friend. Why? Because feelings don’t happen to us, but for us. They are a wonderful reminder, “Dive deeper, dig with courage.” Why? Because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And feelings are often the first alert that you are being invited into a new stage in your journey.
It’s a journey where the peace of Christ can be the reliable guide, and feelings a gift, given in kindness.
Article supplied with thanks to Brian Harris.
Feature Image: Photo by Maxi Carre on Unsplash
About the Author: Brian is a speaker, teacher, leader, writer, author and respected theologian who is founding director of the AVENIR Leadership Institute, fostering leaders who will make a positive impact on the world.