By: Laura Bennett
“Our journey of life and healing – and even accomplishing God’s will – is a partnership with God,” Debra says.
Added to the regular challenges of meeting someone and finding single community, you’re assessing faith compatibly: are our character values aligned, is our stance on physical intimacy the same, are they a “Christmas Christian” or a committed one?
The “Christian” tag on a dating profile doesn’t necessarily mean much, and the work of finding out if you’re going to be a good fit can be exhausting.
In and outside of the church, dating involves dealing with rejection, varied worldviews and the effects of whatever past experiences your date had before you.
Debra Fileta is a licensed counsellor specialising in dating, marriage and relationship issues, along with a spectrum of mental health disorders and challenges.
She’s authored many books including True Love Dates, Are You Really Ok? and her latest Soul Care.
The “Christian” tag on a dating profile doesn’t necessarily mean much, and the work of finding out if you’re going to be a good fit can be exhausting.
Debra looked at the life-rhythms Jesus abided by, and how they help us do some “soul care” as we ride the emotional waves of dating.
“It’s really important we learn to get this right as singles,” Debra said. “’Soul care’ is different to [self-care], it’s deeper, it’s long-lasting rhythms [that are] getting to the bottom of why I feel burnt out [with dating] and tired all the time.”
Observing Jesus’ human side, Debra noticed him prioritise a few restorative themes: nourish (making sure everyone was fed), rest (taking time away), connect (having strong friendships), protect (maintaining boundaries) and savour (being attentive to present moments).
“If you just think about the basics,” Debra said. “These basic things for our human temple that affects our brain health, that affects the rest of our life that Jesus honoured, how much more do we need to honour them?”
For Christians wanting to find a partner, Debra reminds us to take a proactive approach – we can’t wait on God to “drop them at our front door” as much as we might like it to be that easy.
“The number one word that I would use to describe health in general, is ownership,” Debra said. “Our journey of life and healing – and even accomplishing God’s will – is a partnership with God.
“It’s not us down our own path, and it’s not God just doing it all for us. “Sometimes I think we falsely confuse having faith, with living passively.”
“Our journey of life and healing – and even accomplishing God’s will – is a partnership with God.”
Singles looking to Jesus for a roadmap to dating might be frustrated by the fact He didn’t date himself, but Debra loves that about Him.
“I’m glad [Jesus] didn’t date,” Debra said. “It’s a reminder that my purpose and fulfillment does not come from my mate. It comes from my Saviour.”
Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.
Feature image: Photo by Taylor L. Spurgeon on Unsplash
About the Author: Laura Bennett is a media professional, broadcaster and writer from Sydney, Australia.